Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Treading Water

Back in July I told you all about how my relationship wasn't working out with Leo's Daddy.
That was 3 months ago, and I have been a little quiet about things since. 
He has still been around, in-fact we went on to 'see how things went'.
I wanted to keep things on the low so I could appropriately judge how I was feeling and make my own decisions. 

We promised that we would change our ways and make time for one another.
But those promises must have fallen on deaf ears, because nothing at all seemed to change.
Not even when he convinced me it was a good idea to still go on holiday to Cyprus.
I spent my time with Leo and had a good time, but we were supposed to be there as a family.

We got back and I kept wondering when these changes were going to happen. 
Nothing ever did change...
That familiar gap in bed you could fit a ship in between was as present as it always was.
The lack of affection was something I couldn't even in-vision changing.
Now when I actually thought about this, it was because we were far from that place we were once in. I didn't/ don't remember how to be close with him anymore.
I didn't want to be...
Instead of whispering sweet nothings, we either said nothing or spoke about our beautiful boy.

Then of course there was the persistent nagging about how things weren't to his spectacular standards. Yet he never once helped me around the house.
Apparently he 'had given up', but that must have been before he had even started. 
Then there was the nagging about my beautiful kitty Tigger.
How he never wanted me to have him, how I am selfish.
He even told me that I HAD to go back to work full time so we could buy a house...
That one really did make me laugh. 
Why oh why would he even consider us buying a house? Our relationship if you could even call it that was a shambles.

Over the weekend everything came to a head, all because my kitty has been clawing the carpets.
To me this is a big thing as this is a rented house, so I can't have Tig clawing the carpets. It's an expense I cannot afford.
So I did the sensible thing, I looked into finding him a loving new home.
I spent the day finding him the perfect family.
Now Tigger will be going to live with a vet and her family from Saturday. I will be so sad to see him go but I know he will be looked after and happy.

Now if you ask Luke, this is me acting in a immature way.
In fact as soon as I told him what was happening he told me exactly that.
'I am fed up of your sh*t. Your completely immature. I am going back to my Dad's'

I was completely taken a back but happy that it was finally over.
I couldn't see his justification at all. 
If he was honest, I would say this was just his way of getting out.
But that is now in the past. A distant memory.

The house is up for re-renewal, so I am free to leave with Leo.
I am going back to my parents until I can find us a beautiful new home.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know that I have seen this partnership through, and we don't have a leg to stand on going forward.
The love we once shared isn't there anymore. 
The fireworks that once exploded now no longer pop.
It just wasn't meant to be.

But I don't feel sad.
I feel elated and excited.
Excited to look to the future and make plans.
Just me and my main man taking on the entire world.


  1. Wow, I hope you find happiness sweetheart, in a new home, with a cat(!) and your beautiful Leo x Thinking of you x

  2. Onwards and upwards. He gave you a beautiful baby boy, let's see what exciting things the future holds x

  3. Oh gosh! I have everything crossed for you and your main man. xxx

  4. Always here. Well done for being so honest. Lots of love xxx