Wednesday, 13 March 2013

The Office Troll

Every office has one.

An office troll I mean… 
You know who I am talking about…

That one person who somehow thinks you are beneath them. Feels the need to scrutinise your work and tell you how to do your job over the most minuet of details.

It’s not because they are right, it’s all because they are an office troll.

That’s what office trolls do, they have no real purpose in life and their main aim is to just annoy the hell out of you. They leap out from under their rickety bridge just to ruin your day, and boy… my office troll really knows how to do that.

Office trolls can cause a serious health condition, known as rolling your eyesitus – It’s a tough condition to cure, as before long you just seem to roll your eyes all day long, and sarcasm becomes second nature.  

My office troll is the lady who covered my maternity leave. A lady who before I left didn’t really know whether she was coming or going. Not a lot has changed on that front, except she is now power hungry and more in your face annoying than ever before.

I do like to think that she catches glimpses of my eyes rolling up to the high heavens as she talks and I hope my sarcastic tone is not wasted on her. I hope she gets it as I want her to know how her trolling has actually left me with rolling your eyesitus. 

She will be in receipt of my medical bill..

Not only is my office troll a complete pain in the back side, she is down right rude. 
We have a lovely man who works here, he is a little eccentric but has a heart of gold. He is one of those people who can just put a smile on your face instantly. But the office troll seems to shoot him down and slag him off at every turn in the road. She has even put ear plugs in her tallons (ears) because he is apparently a distraction. 

Now I am not being funny, but that is not only rude but completely immature and the biggest distraction in itself. I didn’t realise that I worked on a play ground. 

Her troll cackle laugh gets my back up so much that I want to shove a sock in her mouth and tell her to stop. Her trolly jokes and her bitching just make me want to tell her to shut it. 

And maybe I should!

I don’t mind constructive advice, heck I don’t mind constructive criticism. What I hate is the ‘do it my way’ attitude that she preaches. I don’t think her feeling the need to check my work through when I leave for the day is needed or even acceptable, what I would appreciate is her keeping the hell away from my desk.

I have never given her any reason to think that I am in-competent, I just get the feeling that my troll likes the feeling of power she gets when she plays ‘teacher’ and marks up post it notes to stick on my work in her dire scribble…

She strolls over to my desk ready to push her advice down my throat, I say advice, they are more barking orders tinged with a gruff growl. A growl that I am pretty sure is caused by the hourly fag breaks she takes. I can see the nicotine that has stained under her finger nails, and the smell of stale tobacco on her breath washes over me as she spits her way through her sentences. 

I nod along to what she says all the while rolling my eyes, anything to just get her to stop breathing in my general direction. The conversations usually revolve around the fact that I have ‘already done it’ *rolls eyes* or ‘yep… I know what I am doing….’ *rolls eyes*

*rolls eyes* 

Thanks but no thanks…

But either way she needn’t worry, firstly I don’t have nearly as much work as I used to, (She has seen to that) so I am very unlikely to get snowed under. If and when I do need help, I ask for it. I am not one to troop on not knowing what I am doing, I would rather know the details and get it right.

What really puts a smile on my face is how late my office troll stays each night, even when I had her work load I was out on time every day. She will stay for hours after everyone else has gone home. Maybe… Maybe if she spent more time doing her work and less time trolling about the office she would be able to leave on time too…Or maybe if the work load is too much for her, she could share it out?

What she should also know is that as soon as I can, I will be getting out of here. 

I am fed up and I am done.

I will be crossing that old rickety bridge to pastures new, and if she gets in my way, I will roll my eyes one final time and boot her with all my might into the stream. 

Those Three Billy Goat Gruff really did have style and that is the only way to deal with a troll. 



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  2. Such a familiar story!! The one that ends up annoying everyone will end up being the one losing out. Hope you find something better soon! x

  3. Definitely feeling this! Well said Laura!

  4. i have a playground troll. Someone who thinks i dont have a clue about children when i have 4 boys! I feel your pain lol

    1. Your children, your rules. Your the Mummy and you know best! :) xx

  5. I have worked with so many of these.
    I think the staying late is deliberate - look how hard I work, how dedicated I am... I'm so much better than you because I'm never home in time for Hollyoaks.
    Jog on love, work finishes at 5 and all the normal people with lives outside of work are long gone!!

    1. I think so too, but really I don't have the time or inclination to stay late. I would much rather get back to Leo :)

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  7. Ahh this is terrible...I hope you find something better, or in the meantime she gets sacked!!! :-(

    1. Thanks lovely! I can't see her getting sacked unfortunately :) x