I think I have been a little naive.
Maybe even more so...
You see I thought I would return to work and pick up where I left off.
I thought that everyone would readily give me my old work load back instantly, and I thought that I would still be the 'go too girly'.
During my leave I was told on countless occasions that my return was highly anticipated and that the lady covering my job was in their words 'useless'. I didn't even bat an eye lid, and I was secretly high fiving myself inside, happy that I was being 'missed'.
So my return to work has been something of a let down, I am now well and truly part of the day to day fixtures and I am sat there twiddling my thumbs, feeling useless and frustrated.
My work load has not been returned and it does not seem that it ever will. I am being given mediocre tasks and being completely over looked.
I know I am capable of doing everything I used to do and I hate just sitting there day dreaming. Clock watching and willing something exciting to happen.
The lady who has been covering me was trained up by me back in 2009, and she was not hired for the purpose of covering my leave so she is not on a temporary contract, meaning this will be an on-going dilemma.
Before I left for my maternity I was passing over everything she would need to know in my absence, training on certain reports she would need to run and how to combat the bigger jobs that would now come her way, you see everything used to run through me and the smaller jobs were allocated to her.
Now our roles have been mirrored and in everyone's eyes that is going to be a permanent thing. Only I am used to be being busy and I used to love my job. Now I watch the minutes go by very, very slowly.
I feel like a fool for thinking that I could just pick up where I left off, and I am now angry too. The lady I trained up, who made countless mistakes for a very long time is checking my work over to make sure I am doing my job correctly.
It feels as though she is enjoying this, and maybe worries that things could go back to how they used to be.
I came into work the other morning after taking Leo for his jabs the day before, and a contract I had been working on had mysteriously vanished off my desk. I knew exactly where I had left it as it was my top priority on getting into work. I rang the project manager to see if he had borrowed the file and I asked my line manager to no avail. I just could not fathom where it had gone.
Until... a voice pipes up that she has it. Yes she. And she is checking it over. Then all the questions come about what I am doing on it, like it is somehow her business and completely held me up when I could be getting on with it.
I sat there feeling so small, and angry. Suddenly I was giving one word answers and really wanting to voice my opinion.
Of course I didn't but I don't know how much more I can take.
I am more determined than ever to get my act into gear, and do something I am passionate about. I know exactly what I want to do but I just need to gain work experience. I feel I no longer belong at my current job, there have been far to many changes and I need something that keeps me on my toes.
I love a challenge.
However part of me feels really sad about how things have turned out, I really did love my busy job, the people and everything that came with it. Now I feel invisible and out of place.
But what did I expect?
I have been off work for 13 months where the business has moved on without me.
I am simply not needed any more...