Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Stuck in a rut...

Sometimes I wish I could be a stay at home Mum, okay recently...All of the time.

I know this feeling is spurred on by my not being happy at work, by everyone around me who can obviously see my thumbs twiddling and boredom setting in, yet still they by pass me. Unless of course they wish to dismiss me further by allocating mediocre jobs that I never used to do even before going on maternity leave.

I don’t mean to sound like I am above it, but I am just dis-heartened that my going on leave has put me further down the pecking list than the new starter to the team.

I thought time would pass and things would settle down, to how they were before I left for 13 months.

 But too much has changed.

The company changed and so did I.

I can’t ever see myself being happy with my current position; it currently feels like I am doing time for bad behaviour. I feel like I have been demoted, like I am sitting on a shelf slowly losing my sparkle to the dust that is starting to cover me.

I just don’t seem to care about what I do in the office anymore, and no-one seems to care about me not caring? But I want to care. I work hard and when I really care, I go above and beyond to get things done.

I used to care.

I count down the hours until I reach Wednesday at 5pm, the start of the time I get to spend with Leo. 

When Sunday night hits I feel dread in the very pitt of my stomach, all because I don’t want to go to work and sit twiddling my thumbs.

I feel like I need to break loose and push forward in finding something else, but then I am scared at making such a big change.

I know it is something I need to do; I can’t seem to pull my head out of this social media cloud it is currently floating around in and that just confirms to me that I still have passion and I still have drive. 

I do still care, just about other things.

So how do you go about making such a big decision? How do you go about changing your life?

I have the drive and will do anything and everything I can do pull myself out of this rut I am currently sat in, slowly sinking deeper and deeper, but for the right opportunity I will stand up tall and walk out with my head held high.