Saturday, 8 September 2012

Frustration



I think I have been a little naive. 

Maybe even more so...

You see I thought I would return to work and pick up where I left off. 

I thought that everyone would readily give me my old work load back instantly, and I thought that I would still be the 'go too girly'.

During my leave I was told on countless occasions that my return was highly anticipated and that the lady covering my job was in their words 'useless'. I didn't even bat an eye lid, and I was secretly high fiving myself inside, happy that I was being 'missed'. 

So my return to work has been something of a let down, I am now well and truly part of the day to day fixtures and I am sat there twiddling my thumbs, feeling useless and frustrated. 

My work load has not been returned and it does not seem that it ever will. I am being given mediocre tasks and being completely over looked.

I know I am capable of doing everything I used to do and I hate just sitting there day dreaming. Clock watching and willing something exciting to happen.

The lady who has been covering me was trained up by me back in 2009, and she was not hired for the purpose of covering my leave so she is not on a temporary contract, meaning this will be an on-going dilemma.

Before I left for my maternity I was passing over everything she would need to know in my absence, training on certain reports she would need to run and how to combat the bigger jobs that would now come her way, you see everything used to run through me and the smaller jobs were allocated to her. 

Now our roles have been mirrored and in everyone's eyes that is going to be a permanent thing. Only I am used to be being busy and I used to love my job. Now I watch the minutes go by very, very slowly. 

I feel like a fool for thinking that I could just pick up where I left off, and I am now angry too. The lady I trained up, who made countless mistakes for a very long time is checking my work over to make sure I am doing my job correctly. 

The Cheek!

It feels as though she is enjoying this, and maybe worries that things could go back to how they used to be. 

I came into work the other morning after taking Leo for his jabs the day before, and a contract I had been working on had mysteriously vanished off my desk. I knew exactly where I had left it as it was my top priority on getting into work. I rang the project manager to see if he had borrowed the file and I asked my line manager to no avail. I just could not fathom where it had gone. 

Until... a voice pipes up that she has it. Yes she. And she is checking it over. Then all the questions come about what I am doing on it, like it is somehow her business and completely held me up when I could be getting on with it. 

I sat there feeling so small, and angry. Suddenly I was giving one word answers and really wanting to voice my opinion. 

Of course I didn't but I don't know how much more I can take. 

I am more determined than ever to get my act into gear, and do something I am passionate about. I know exactly what I want to do but I just need to gain work experience. I feel I no longer belong at my current job, there have been far to many changes and I need something that keeps me on my toes.

I love a challenge.

However part of me feels really sad about how things have turned out, I really did love my busy job, the people and everything that came with it. Now I feel invisible and out of place. 

But what did I expect? 

I have been off work for 13 months where the business has moved on without me. 

I am simply not needed any more...




16 comments:

  1. we need you :)
    I know and you know you are capable of so much more. I also know you will get your dream job, you always do!
    Always down the road x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh this is sad to read. But oh so very common. Im sure there is something perfect out there waiting for you to find it. So frustrating though when you are treated like a jnr again.just because youve been on mat leave and some jumped up replacement thinks they are the bees knees :(
    Good Luck :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that is what makes it harder, being treated like I don't know what I am doing. That I need baby sitting.
      I just feel incredibly angry. Thanks lovely x

      Delete
  3. Sounds like they are making your decision easy. You owe it to yourself to find a job that challenges and motivates you so follow your dreams! x

    ReplyDelete
  4. I know exactly where you are coming from. I was also the go to person about everything and went from supervisor to one of the team, which was incredibly frustrating.
    I did voice my frustrations and they did give me issues to resolve which I think they didn't expect me to resolve as quickly as I did as they'd been hanging around for months!
    In the end I could stand it no longer - I was holding out for redundancy but it didn't come so I left!! Best thing I ever did!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is all about taking control :-) Well done you lovely x

      Delete
  5. Katie @mummydaddyme10 September 2012 at 00:04

    Hi hun I have exactly the same problem- I was quite high up in my company before I left on mat leave. I came back to a different lower level lower paid Job because with my previous one I had to travel and I didn't want to do that with Mads.

    I have the most knowledge on my team but I sit there most days and twiddle my thumbs. I have asked my manager countless times for more projects but to no avail.

    I hate it I would rather be super busy than sit there doing nothing- the day goes so slow and I clock watch. It's a shame cause the company and people are so great.

    To me it's just a means to an end as soon as I have finished maternity this time around if everything goes ok, I am going to look for something else.


    It will be better when you work part time but I only do 2.5 days and they just go so slowly. I think you need to look for something else, I would be if I wasn't pregnant! X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is crazy how they treat you like you are now worthless due to having a baby. Yes the company has to move on but surely they can accommodate for you coming back?
      x

      Delete
  6. Sorry to read you are feeling so frustrated about work. It is never an easy thing to return to your old job after a mat leave. So much has been going on usually. If it can help I am sure that time will fix it. You are easing your way back in at the moment and given a couple of month you probably will have reclaimed your work load. Good luck and hang on tight :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sorry to hear your having a bad time of things at work Laura, this is one of the reasons why i've decided not to return after maternity leave, that and the price of childcare lol. I was the 'go to' girl at work too and had been there longer than anyone so i can completely sympathise with how you're feeling especially after being told i would be returning to a different role with fewer responsibilities. I feel so blessed and lucky that i'm in a situation where i don't have to go back and Keith earns enough to support us all. Really hope things improve or your follow your heart and have the courage to find something better and more fulfilling xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so lucky being able to stay at home with Riley. I would absolutely love this, but then I do want to have the right balance between work and play. I am still trying to figure it all out.

      Thanks lovely x

      Delete
  8. Aw, that's such a shame...but possibly providential in that it forces your hand a bit. However having said all that, it's discrimination of a sort - you shouldn't feel forced out of a job. Can you speak to your line manager about getting involved in something different in the organisation? I had to fight a bit to get my job back after mat leave but the line management were good when I explained my predicament. Sending hugs - hope you get sorted Avrilx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Avril,
      I can see why I am not needed as I was expandable for 13 months. At the end of the day they made do and got on with it, so they won't rock the boat for the sake of me.
      I am more driven than ever, and I know what I want to do. I am working at getting there and I know one day I will :-) xx

      Delete